What I want...

What I fear...
 

Whom I serve...

where my heart really lives......

Our "internal circuitry is "wired to seek out something worthy of worship. Every moment we live, we live bowed to something.  And if we don't see God...we'll bow down before something else"  (Ann Voscamp's 1000 gifts).

We're moving....I'm packing...2 days ago was my bathroom....methodically i put all things in only 2 piles...that which is packed...that which is to be tossed...with the tendancy to "keep in case I need it" when it comes to "product"...the bathroom drawers can be...um?....full.  So the tossing process began...it's very carthartic...the only things I now have are those products that I use...regularly.....the question becomes...why "keep" anything "just in case"? when it feels so good to not.
So...
then I pack what is left.  Two weeks before the big move date...everything that gets "locked" in a box..is no longer accessible..that's a rule I've made up...it lives somewhere in my head...even tho' with a quick flip of the wrist and a sharp knife...all contents of every box can be accessed....but still....
I look at the bathroom scale....to pack or not to pack?  Why is it such a struggle?  Ah, I remember....it's the "scale god" mentality that I have. ..I have been serving "him" for more than 30 years....upon awakening...you venture in to the private bath...body emptied....you step on...and the number reveals your "worth"....whether or not you can be rewarded today with food.  Are you good ...or are you bad?
Sickness.

I pack the scale...unaccessible for 2 weeks...
Yesterday...I awake....my god is missing...how will I know who I am today?
Today....awake...no god...and I feel the beginning of freedom.
Food is fuel and without it we are worthless.
BUT...
"nothing tastes better than being skinny feels"
I believe that.
I know it to be true.
I will live to be healthy
and strong
and serve a God, in heaven who has
"forgiven all my sins,
healed all my diseases
redeemed my life from the pit and
crowsn me with steadfast love and mercy,
who satifies me with good
so that my youth is renewed like the eagle" (Psalm 103:3-5)
My God who...
"is in my midst, a mighty one who will save;
who will rejoice over me with gladness,
who will quiet me by his love,
 and exult over me with loud singing" (Zephaniah 3:17)

"Let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who excercizes kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight, declares the Lord.  (Jeremiah 9:24)


"Whom the Son sets free is free indeed."  John 8:36

Lord, today, set me free from the idol worship of the scale god.